Heybabeimwearingurpanties
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
