butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
