i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
