my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
