My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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