you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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