Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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