I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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