he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
