i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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