What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
