I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
