my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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