I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
