Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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