This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
