I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
