Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No stitches, just platelets and will power
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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