.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
