sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
