Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
