Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
