i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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