I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
