so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We have started to decorate penises.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
