Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
