Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
