he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i came on her dog
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
