walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
