Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
