I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize