I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
