chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
