Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
