another moral hangover. fuck.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
