he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
