remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
