I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
