He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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