On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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