i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
