My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
