I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
