Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
