He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
