then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Green mimosas i think yes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
