Umm I'm too high to move.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
