You're completely useless in the revolution.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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