I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My penis needs a shock collar
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize