I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize