You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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