Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
