The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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