If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
