Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm bleeding and have questions
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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