The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
