So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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