Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
