I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Randomize
