Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think my moral compass just broke
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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