Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
