you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
