Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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