it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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