At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
