He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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