I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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