4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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