she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
