i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
