Ambien. No doubt about it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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