They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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