wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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