she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
