I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
