I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
