GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
